I have some songs running around in my mind today. "Sunrise, sunset. Sunrise, Sunset..." from Fiddler on the Roof and then quickly followed by Matchbox 20's "Every New Beginning is Some Other Beginning's end..." Maybe this is kind of silly. But as I am working on shifting- is adult life nothing but shifting?- and watching my children grow it feels like I am in a constant state of beginning and ending. Circling around and around. Starting and stopping.
It can be frustrating.
I am often frustrated.
At times I am startled by this forceful voice that shouts from within "Move FORWARD! Get Moving!"
Let's be real, I often feel stagnate.
Perhaps that is one of the purposes of life. Learning to go with the quick succession of time and the absolute sluggish feeling of, well, time. I guess that is why that saying exists, "The days are long, but the years are short." Because, um, my days are soooooo long but yes, my years are too short. It can be disorienting and I often feel like I am viewing life through a glass window while swimming around in my head of "what ifs..." and "Oh I could/should do that..."
I have been having a lot of those feelings these last few years. Wanting to suck up all of the precious baby time of my kids, suck up all of their kid time, and be present.
I am finding that the more time I give myself to pull back and take a momen; look at what is happening and reevaluate where we are doing I begin to have a better sense of what my part of this whole thing called life is.
For me, life is a spiral not a straight line. I am constantly circling towards and away from the things that are important to me. Right now I am circling back to rediscovering who I am. Who I am as Adult Julia. As I meet myself in this form I am also greeted by so many pieces of my former self along the way. Reminders, or clues maybe, of who I have always been.
So, Hello. This is me. Julia.
I like to play.
I like to create.
I love to read and dream.
I am beginning...